Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

email from God

March 22, 2013

This morning I was cleaning spam from my inbox when I came across an email that made me stop and think.  The subject line had one word: God.  To my knowledge this is my first email from the All Mighty unless you count Bill Gates.  He sent me one about winning a trip to Disney World if I forwarded his message to as many friends as possible.  Microsoft has sent me a few things too and I’ve received fake emails from the IRS. It makes sense that our Creator is online, since He’s everywhere.  (Hopefully He’s in North Korea…He can take some time away from being ever present with me…and apply that extra time to North Korea and I’d be OK with it.)  Do you suppose He gets spam for Viagra or weight loss pills?

 So I looked over into the preview pane of my inbox and read the message.  It said, “I think you will enjoy the bible verse.  It really inspired me today.”  Here’s what it said: Col 3:23: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” The message was perfectly timed because I was multitasking.  However, I was getting ready to stop and check Facebook.  Not sure that our Heavenly Father would want me to check in on social media during business hours.  So I ignored the impulse and made another sales call. 

For a minute I felt special.  God took the time to send an email solely to me.  This wasn’t a message that had been sent to a big email list.  It didn’t say at the bottom that I would be blessed if I forwarded the message to fifteen friends within two hours. (Good thing, because I don’t have fifteen friends, but He already knew that.)  The font used in the email was Times New Roman. How appropriate.  I liked the message so I kept it in my inbox…unopened.

My friends are spiritually diverse.  Some believe our path is predetermined by God, end of story.  I don’t know that I like that version.  It’s so confining.  To me that makes God more like a puppet master.  He’s the Jeff Dunham of the heavens.  Controlling us all like José Jalapeño on a Stick.  Adam, meet Eve…Eve…meet Adam and his friend … Peanut.   Life is a stage and we are merely players…with a hand up our… Come to think of it there is a hand up there, but it isn’t the creator’s.  It’s the I.R.S.

Others believe that life is just a series of random events.  So in the beginning there was an explosion and then a few million years later…after an extended warm humid spell…there was algae…that algae grew into something with a brain and opposable thumbs that invented the wheel and harnessed fire…fast forward to 2013 and we have evolved even more.  We’ve invented things like disposable towelettes soaked in antiseptic that kill 99% of all bacteria and algae.   Evolution was good in its day. We just don’t want anything evolving on the tile in our shower.

A couple of people I know think we were put on this planet by aliens.  They always site the same evidence as proof.  The building of the pyramids could not have been accomplished without the help of a space ship for guidance.  The other link they commonly refer to is the series of geoglyphs or Nazca lines etched into the floor of the Peruvian desert.  I think those are very cool and definitely took some skill, patience, and coordination.  You can tell they were created in a time when our opposable thumbs were used for more than controlling a joystick or typing on a smart phone, but I’m not sure they tell us we came from the final frontier.  We invite our alien friends to our Christmas party because they are great conversation starters.  Putting them in a small group with our Catholic and Jewish friends is fun.  We bottle the fireworks and use them on New Year’s Eve. 

Some of my friends have more of a hybrid approach to spirituality.  They believe life is free will intertwined with a path.  It sounds like lives are similar to Second City.  As if we are all God’s private improv troupe.  So every culture is a sketch in the main show.  When a society evolves into a truly unique culture they are spun off to headline on their own.  It’s a little like the way Wayne’s World was spun off SNL…except real.  Not sure what happened with the Inca’s.  Maybe they got a little too full of themselves and started writing to please only the idols.  That caused them to lose touch with the Main audience so they were canceled.  I’m ok with that theory on life provided our culture doesn’t sink to the lowest common denominator.  That seemed to be way improv acts devolved the show when I worked with them in the comedy clubs.  Based on the popularity of The Bachelor, The Kardashian’s, and NASCAR …we’re nearing the end of our run.  In the clubs, if you were nearing the end of your set the club manager would shine a flash light at your eyes from the back of the room.  It was very subtle to the crowd, but the performer saw it.  We called it, getting the light.  When you’re at the end of your set on earth God gives you a light too.  His is whiter and not so subtle.




A Sign of the Times?

October 8, 2011

Early Wednesday morning as I headed to the Monon I saw a sign that read, “Who Stole Jesus?”  This was not a spiritual sign that comes to you in a moment of clarity.  It was a real sign in a real yard.    The sign was the same style and size as the “Home For Sale” variety.  It was professionally printed not written in marker.  My first thought was, “I didn’t know he was stolen!”  Was this THE Jesus Christ, son of God, or was he someone else… probably Hispanic… who happened to be given a powerful name?  If it wasn’t the beginning of October I would immediately think someone hijacked a nativity scene.  However we are in the midst of Indian summer and people are just gearing up for Halloween.  Give it another week before stores start pushing JC’s B-day and decorations start to sprout.  This appeared to be a message targeted to the people who frequent the intersection of Meridian Street and Kessler.  Were they trying to reach the governor?  Other people with money?   I’ve since seen several more of the signs around town.  So they are trying to get the word out.  I’m not sure why they are being so subtle about it.  This seems to be a big deal, given the stature of the guy who was nabbed.

I have to admit I didn’t know he’d come back.  You’d think that would have made the nightly news.  Our local stations are all so hungry to scoop a story I’m surprised we haven’t heard something like, “Breaking news from the west side!  This just into our news room…JC is back and he’s been spotted in Indianapolis!”  Not the case though.  Somehow they missed this and the subsequent story about him being stolen.  They were probably too focused on the Colts 0-4 start…or the possible renaming of Georgia Street

It’s interesting that he opted to return in the Midwest rather than the Middle East.  It is pretty here this time of year though.  Maybe he wanted to do Brown County before heading over to Jerusalem.  You know…take in the fall foliage, buy some apple butter, baptize a few people, and then go overseas after Thanksgiving.  He kind of missed our holiday the first time around.  It’s festive, it celebrates all the right things, and the parade is nice too.  I’m sure he was interested in taking in a Colts game, but with Payton out for the year…not so much.

This is a mayoral election year in Indianapolis.  There is only a month to go in race.  You’d think Melina Kennedy would have jumped at the chance for a photo op.  She could use a little divine intervention.  Surly the Mayor’s office would have countered with something of their own…but no? 

How does one steal him anyway?  You’d think he’s be surrounded by a few people.  Did someone sneak through the masses and slip a roofie into his glass of wine?  Boy you are really throwing caution to the wind when you decide to steal a guy like that.  Talk about Hell to pay.  I doubt you have the big picture in mind.  I mean this isn’t the Lindbergh baby.  This is pretty high up there on the crime chart.  What’s the motive?  What’s the ransom?  Who would be targeted for paying it?  Probably the Vatican.   How messy would that be?  One minute you’re sitting around an apartment getting high with two guys like Seth Rogen.  One of them makes the comment about how cool it would be to have more money than God.  Then someone suggests kidnapping JC.  You know because playing the lottery has poor odds and these days with the bad economy so does finding a job.  So they bumble into pulling it off.  They ask for ransom…something like gold, frankincense, myrrh…and three tickets to Montana.  They hide in…Rocky Ripple to wait for the drop.  The next thing they know they’ve got the Knights Templar on their tail and some church in Indianapolis has joined the search by posting signs all over the north side. 

Wow and I thought my life was complicated.