Archive for January, 2010

Grandmas & Pat Boone

January 28, 2010

During the Nutcracker I got to know most of the parents of the young dancers. One little girl was always accompanied by her grandmother.  The mom was non existent.  I thought it was so cool that the Grandmother took such an active roll in her granddaughter’s life.  One Saturday afternoon I was sitting with Grace outside the third floor studio in Lilly Hall.  There was a break between rehearsals.  The Butler students had left the building. The young dancers and parents hung out, ate lunch, and chatted.  The elevator door opened and the little girl’s mom stepped out in an outfit that was …tragic at best.  She was trying to reclaim youth that….had also left the building…years ago.  She seemed startled at the laughing kids.  As she navigated the hall she looked at them like they were piles of dog poop in the back yard.  Later that day she belittled her mom, the helpful grandma, in front of me and the stage manager.  She accused her of being unorganized, less than helpful, and a bunch of other garbage.  The distasteful barrage was reminiscent of a tantrum thrown by a spoiled thirteen year old.  I couldn’t believe it.  I had the grandma’s email address.  After the verbal flogging I sent her an email saying I thought she was doing a great job.  I didn’t see that woman again until the week of the shows.  She was an ass during that week too.

Apparently I endeared myself to the grandmother because she started sending me emails.  They weren’t personal emails.  They were the ones you get that say, “Microsoft is giving away a free vacation to Disney if you forward this email to everyone in the world”.  Or…”Traffic cops in California were using a radar gun to catch speeders when an Air Force jet on a training exercise locked onto the gun, thought it was enemy radar, and nearly fired missiles at the cops”.  You know the emails.  You get them too.  If there was a fake news story circulating on the web, she would send it to me with a note saying, I thought you should know this.  Today she sent me one that said Barack Obama is anti Christian.  It was a speech by Pat Boone…the singer.  First of all I thought Pat was dead.  Apparently just his career died.  As proof of our president’s anti Christian views Pat’s speech sites quotes from speeches Mr. Obama has given around the world like this, “You might say that America is a Muslim nation.”- President Barack Obama, Egypt 2009.  I love quotes that are taken out of context.  Kennedy said, “Ich bin ein Berliner” He was a Berliner?  What a commie!  What was President Obama supposed to say when he was in Egypt trying to find common ground with a different culture?  Should he have said, “You’re not welcome in America unless you eat happy meals and drive a Ford F150?”  My first reaction was to send her that picture of Pat Boone in leather from his heavy metal CD, No More Mr Nice Guy. (See photo below) I thought about adding a caption that said, “Jesus died for his sins”.  Apparently Pat wasn’t talented enough to write his own metal songs so in 1997 he covered songs from Guns N Roses, AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, Metallica, and Judas Priest in an attempt to revive his career.  You know Christian artists.  He wore the dog collar, leather, and fake tattoos on stage because that outfit is commonly associated with god fearing Southern Baptists.  Now he should wear a straight jacket because he’s crazy if he thinks I’m buying into this publicity stunt.

I’d like to turn the table on her.  The next time she orders a frosty for her granddaughter I could say, “She only feeds her granddaughter Frosties.  See, here is a photo of her buying one at a Wendy’s on 86th street on January 28th.  The poor child needs real nourishment”!  I could also remind her that America is a melting pot.  I could show her that there are Muslims, Buddhists, Christians, Atheists, Jews (several danced in the Nutcracker!) and a host of other cultures.  I should remind her that the Pledge of Allegiance ends by saying, “With Liberty and Justice for All” – key word – ALL which includes bone heads like Pat Boone, Pat Robertson,  spamming grandmas…